Lets Talk: Dialogue

From Lisa Gardner's GONE

"What happened? Where's my wife? I'd like to see Rainie."
Kincaid merely nodded. This was his party. Best to make that clear now and save them both a lot of pissing wars.
"Nice coat," he said at last.
"Sergeant--"
"Like the shoes too. Bit muddy though, don't you think?"
"Mud washes off. Where's my wife?"
"I'll tell you what. You answer my questions, then I'll answer yours. Sound like a plan?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Actually, since this is my scene, no, you don't."
Quincy thinned his lips but didn't protest. Kincaid allowed himself one moment to puff out his chest. Score one for the state guy.
"Mr. Quincy, when was the last time you saw your wife?"
"Seven days ago."
"Been out of town?"
"No."
"Don't you two work together?"
"Not at the moment."
"Live together?"
A muscle ticked in Quincy's jaw. "Not at the moment."
Kincaid cocked his head to the side. "Care to elaborate?"
"Not at the moment."

I chose this example because it works so well. But also because it makes me believe I can write good dialogue too. There are no zingers. Nothing particularly brilliant. Just ordinary speech that even I might be able to think up.

So why is this ordinary exchange so powerful? What can a simple author like me learn from it and imitate?

Well for starters, we immediately feel the conflict between these two. How is this done? Seems pretty simple- they don't respond to each other's questions right away. One character asks a question or makes a statement, the other doesn't respond to the question asked, thus establishing the "pissing war".

What else? The dialogue sounds natural. The sentences are clipped to imitate everyday speech patterns. "Care to elaborate?" replaces "Would you care to elaborate?" And even the internal dialogue makes use of this technique. Best to make that clear rather than It was best to make that clear.

Lack of adverbs mugging up the tag lines, use of action tags: a muscle ticked in his jaw and no distracting tags like huffed etc.

Finally, despite the lack of zingers (Thank goodness, that takes the pressure off) she uses the simple but effective device of repetition to pull this exchange to a higher level: Not at the moment.

I think I can use these techniques to improve my dialogue passages. What about you? Care to share any good passages from your work or someone else's? Any techniques you've found helpful for transforming your dialogue? Does banter flow from your fingertips or do you work at it and then rework it?

Getting Lucky in Dallas or Lisa Jackson's Hot Tamales: Pitching and Other Tales From Conference

BIGGER, SEXIER, A LOT MORE FUN.

Yeah, baby. Let me begin by saying that the pitch to request ratio at nationals is excellent. If you get an opportunity to go to nationals you should, for this reason if for no other.

And since I can't get from point A to point B without a digression (this is me, people), we'll come back to pitching. I promise. Meeting so many of you, Mavens, Vagabonds, Fanlit Foreverers, BonBons and others was truly my favorite part of conference.

Those of you who weren't there were sorely missed. But don't worry. I brought back a suitcase full of autographed books and coverflats to give away. So you will get a share of the loot.

Story number one: Just skip if you've already heard my Elosia story. Sooo, Courtney and I were sitting in my rental car reviewing directions to the tea Eloisa James invited her BBers to (mind you neither Courtney or I had actually met Eloisa prior to this), when Courtney spots the Fabulous EJ in the flesh, rolls down the window and yells "Elo..eees...aaaa!" Eloisa, runs up to the car (thinking she must know us) and we introduce ourselves and tell her we are on the way to her tea. Then she says, "Oh! Can I get a ride?"

After pinching ourselves, we nodded and she hopped in and immediately asked, "Who's pitching?" I know, it just keeps getting better.

She wanted to help me with my pitch and who was I to refuse? And you know how I have that pesky secret baby in my story, but my story is not at all category with it's nonlinear structure, subplots, 5 pov characters etc.-- so the Fabulous EJ suggests that I say right off the bat, "It's bigger and sexier," accompanied by lots of Italian-type hand gestures. Which eventually morphs into "Bigger, sexier and a lot more fun!" (plus hand gestures). Everyone I pitched to requested. Thanks, EJ!

Story number two: The Fabulous Julia Quinn. Okay, I can't actually tell you the whole story, but here's what I can tell you. I was fortunate enough to sit next to the Fabulous JQ at tea (Where she learned by the way that she had just hit NUMBER THREE on the NYT list). Wahoo!JQ! Then later, by a quirk of fate, I got to know her a bit better. After she won her RITA she even grabbed me and asked someone to take our picture (I know, I just about died!). So somewhere out there is a photo of Julia and me and RITA. I sure hope I get a copy. I'll post it if I do. Anything you've ever heard about how wonderful Julia Quinn and Eloisa James are, how supportive they are of aspiring authors, take that and multiply by infinity and you'll come close to the truth.

Story Number Three: Lisa Jackson's Lucky Hot Tamales. Lisa Jackson gave a lovely talk at lunch on Saturday. She spoke about how it takes a lot of hard work and a little luck to make it in writing. Then she said someone was going to get lucky, and gave away ten boxes of hot tamales (the candy). I had a star under my seat and won a box and apparently, the luck! Which brings me to pitching and story number four.

Story Number Four: Pitching, Luck, and Guts. So let me repeat that most of the people who pitched at nationals walked away with requests. So if you are having trouble getting read...go to conference!!! Both of my pitch appointments resulted in requests. But I talked to several people who had no appointments and managed to approach agents and editors and get requests anyway. Now those people have guts. And I really admire them. And I did have the lucky tamales. And there was one editor I wanted to pitch that I didn't have an appointment with. Now normally, I couldn't have done it. But, as I said, I had inspiring examples and lucky tamales. I was riding the elevator down, mentally rehearsing what I would say if I could somehow work up my nerve and approach this editor. I stepped off the elevator and no lie, there he was--no one else in the vicinity. My stomach pitched, and then I did. He requested. Bless him and Lisa Jackson's lucky tamales!

For all of you who screwed up your courage and made the most of conference, I'm soooo proud of you! May all our requests turn into more!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY!

YOU'RE INVITED TO COURTNEY'S BIRTHDAY BASH! 7pm Wednesday, July 11

My good freind and most excellent CP, Courtney Milan, also known as CM, is having a birthday! Wednesday, July 11th. For those of you who will be in Dallas: Tessa Dare, Sara Lindsey, and Moi, India Carolina will host a get together for the wonderful Ms. Courtney Milan. Location: Tessa and India's room. Time: 7 pm on Wednesday. So please join us. You can just go to the hotel desk at the Hyatt and ask to call our room. We'll give you the number on the phone. Oh, be sure to use Tessa's real name for this step.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! It seems Ms. Milan is a Harry Potter fan. After the get together in the room, we will head off to the Lowes Theater in City Market Place to catch the 9:45 pm showing of the new Harry Potter flick. If you'd like to join us, we recommend purchasing tickets on line, in advance since they will likely sell out early.

And hey, want to know what Courtney's going to be doing at the RWA Literacy Signing?
Check it out at http://www.courtneymilan.com/ramblings/2007/07/05/something-everyone-should-be-doing-at-rwa>/